Well, shoot. I didn't make a November post. Well, let's pretend this is the one for late November, and I'll try to make another post a couple weeks from now, and that one will count for December.
As usual, Daisy Pirate has inspired this post. She's about to leave Japan (well, in a few months) to come back to the States. I think she's doing some soul searching. Me, too. I am in need of a big change in my daily life. I would like to go to graduate school and pursue a PhD in Ecology and Evolutionary Biology. I would not be able to apply until 2006-- not just because applications are usually due in Dec or Jan, but because I don't know how prepared I am mentally and financially. I just took a General Chem I class at ACC to refresh and find out if I wanted to go back to school. It was hard work and I admit I am a little rusty.. basically I was relearning everything. But I really enjoyed it, and I think I did well. And I think I want to go back to school.
It's a long hard road ahead, though, and I'm 30. (Practically 30). And I still have a lingering feeling of doubt, as to whether or not this is something I really want to do. I don't remember having doubt like this before. I think there are so many real-world concerns weighing in now, finances, children, where Lee's career will take him, where mine will take me... I need to take a deep breath and choose. And hope everything manages to fall into place. Usually, it has. Perhaps I've just been lucky? I am a rabbit...
But what about art? This question keeps driving me crazy. I paint, I keep a few small paintings going on at all times, but when will it grow? Will it even get a chance to, if I go back to school? Research is not something I can do just in my spare time, it will be something I will have to do full time and also in my spare time. I will have to be on top of the game, being competitive, finding funds and making connections.
So much to decide... for the next big step.